Teen Mom

Hey Moms! I’m Mikayla. I was a senior in high school when I found out I was going to be a mother. I was 17 and I had just made the cheer team. When the test read positive I was crushed. IT WAS THE SCARIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. I was a kid.

I was completely against abortion but there I was, a week away from my abortion appointment. Desperation can affect a person in deep ways. In that moment, I could see no other way out.

I finally found the nerve to tell my mom. She was shocked but also calm. She encouraged me to tell my dad. At the time, my parents were going through an awful divorce. The last thing they needed (I thought) was their daughter to be pregnant. I cried the entire way there. I couldn’t find any words. How was I going to tell my Daddy that his little girl is pregnant?

As soon as I told him, he wrapped his arms around me and launched into an encouraging speech of perfect words. “Everyone messes up,” he said. “I love you” and “You can do this.” I was totally not expecting that. I felt hopeful for the first time and cancelled my abortion appointment. I wanted to keep the baby. However, I still struggled with a lot of emotions and I eventually gave up everything I was involved in at school.

The day my son, Aiden, arrived my mom was in the room with me. She got to cut the umbilical cord. The moment they put my baby in my arms nothing else mattered. All those things I grieved giving up or missing out on - cheer, senior prom, freedom - none of that mattered anymore. It was replaced with the incredible bond I had with my child.

Being a teen mom was hard. Thankfully, I had a job, but I was feeling guilty about not spending enough time with Aiden. The balance felt impossible but I learned to cope. Aiden’s father has not been in the picture since he was around 9 months old. When Aiden was 3, I met Justin. After only 4 months, Aiden’s bond with him felt like father and son! Justin and I are happily married now and my sweet baby boy is going to be a big brother! It’s a girl and we are beyond excited. What I thought was the worst mistake of my life was actually an immeasurable blessing. God carried me through it.

Military Mom

“My name is Sarah, I’m a 30 year old mom of 3 girls (ages 6, 4, and 14 months). We currently live in Virginia, where my husband is stationed. In the 11.5 years I’ve been a military wife, we’ve had 5 duty stations and lived in 7 homes. Some people can’t imagine but to us, it’s normal.

When we were living in Germany, we travelled all the time, sometimes literally dragging our kids around many of the countries in Europe. One morning I woke our daughter up at 3 am for an early morning flight to London. “Noooo, it’s too early!” she moaned. “C’mon,” I whispered, “let’s go on an adventure!” She sighed in that world weary way that only a 3 year old can, then said, “Let me get my shoes.” She couldn’t resist a new experience, no matter how inconvenient.

When we took our girls to Paris, swam in the Mediterranean, stood in the Coliseum, I felt incredibly lucky to be a military wife and mom. I was so happy that we were having so many amazing experiences, meeting so many different types of people; getting to visit places many people only see in movies. But then there were moments when my then 2 year old wanted to go “home” to a place we had already moved away from. In those moments I felt I was doing my children a disservice by moving so frequently and not putting down roots in a more permanent community.

The truth is there are positives and negatives to choosing this life, but it’s taught us a lot. You learn to be flexible, because you can’t plan ahead. You don’t really have a say about where you live. You learn to be resilient, because you frequently move somewhere you’ve never been, in a place where you know no one, and build a life from scratch. And then do it again. You learn the importance of being kind and helpful to others, because when you don’t have family nearby, you have to rely on friends and sometimes even strangers in times of need. You learn to make friends quickly and easily, and to look out for those who are new or vulnerable.

Ultimately, I hope we’re raising our daughters in such a way that whether they’re faced with adversity, a chance to help others, or an irresistible adventure, they’ll sigh, straighten up, and say, “Let me get my shoes.”

Walking the Tightrope

My name is Leigh Ann and I am a stay at home mom to an overly independent 9-year-old girl, a very accident-prone 7-year-old boy, and an extremely sassy 5-year-old girl.  I will be the first to admit my house is usually messy, my kids are often dirty (especially the boy), and there is usually a gang of neighborhood kids hanging out here too.  My husband is a physical therapist and I work a part time “jobby” (job/hobby) from home as an artist.  It’s a 3-ring circus around here most days and I am often walking a very thin tightrope balancing everyone’s schedules, everyone’s needs and wants, and trying not to lose my sanity in the process. It’s not always easy but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

A little over ten years ago, all I wanted to be was a mom, especially a stay at home mom.  I thought my life would feel complete once I was a mother.  My husband had just graduated physical therapy school and gotten a job. We moved to a new city and bought our first house. The next step was obvious: start a family.  Fast-forward 4 years later and we had 3 beautiful kids.  I should have finally beenhappy and content. I was living the dream I always wanted.  But if I was honest with myself, motherhood didn’t look or feel like how I thought it would. I loved my kids and I loved being a mom, but I also felt like something was missing. I had everything I could possibly want, so why did I feel trapped, almost suffocated at times? 

After talking to many of my mom friends, I realized an uncomfortable truth.  I had pinned all my hopes on motherhood.  I had traded in my entire identity to become “mom”. I had essentially lost myself.   I know I am not the first mom to do this and probably won’t be the last.  But it is such an easy trap to fall into.  We go into motherhood wanting to be supermoms. We are devoted to a fault. We give until there is nothing left in the tank for ourselves. And we think doing anything less would be selfish.  

Two years ago was a major turning point in my life.  I decide to do something for myself.  I needed a piece of the old me back.  I was feeling this strong push (possibly God) to start painting again, something I hadn’t done much of in over a decade. So I began painting, mostly as a hobby, and decided to post about it on Facebook.  The crazy part was when people started buying my paintings.  It gave a purpose to my passion and my business was born.  

This is the part where the balancing act can get tricky.  I am a full time mom of 3 very active kids and I am busier than I ever imagined with my painting business. How can I be the mom my kids deserve and still pursue something I feel passionate about? There are nights I lay awake wondering how I am going to get everything done.  I have worried I won’t finish all my Christmas orders in time.  I have worried about my youngest watching too much TV while I paint. I have worried that my son has eaten lunchables for every meal.  I have worried my husband might complain that the house looks like a natural disaster zone.  I have fallen victim to the “mom guilt” a few times over the years and I hate it. If there is one thing I have learned from my experience, it’s that worry and guilt don’t solve anything.  All they do is steal your joy.  What we need is less guilt, more grace.  

Motherhood is not one size fits all. What works for some families doesn’t always work for others.  Some families thrive on schedules and checklists. Mine does not. Mine thrives on flexibility.  I have discovered that most of my days are not equally balanced, but that is ok. Each daydoes not have to be a 50/50 ratio of kids/me.  Some days are 100 % all about them and their soccer games, softball tournaments, and field trips.  Other days are more about my projects.  But we still find the balance.

My hope is that by sharing my story, I can encourage other moms who have felt like I have…who are looking for contentment…who sometimes struggle to find the balance. Being a mom is the greatest job ever, but it is so important to remember who you were before you were a mom.  Ask yourself what brought you joy and passion before you had kids.  Whatever your answer is, don’t feel guilt for allowing yourself to pursue it again. God created you with a unique identity, with talents and abilities.  It would be a shame to bury those talents and abilities for the sake of motherhood.  Instead use them in your journey of motherhood.  The times in my life when I have felt the most peace and contentment are when I can combine my passion for art with my role as a mom.  Like when my oldest daughter wants to come sit in my office and paint with me as she shares the latest drama from school that day.  Or when I get to volunteer to help paint the props for my son’s school play, or when I get asked to come do an arts and craft project with my younger daughter’s preschool.

Those are the moments that I see God has beautifully aligned my passions and desires with the joys of motherhood.